according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
