You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
