Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
