What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
