i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
