If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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