batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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