My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
