I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
