just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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