So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
