Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
