You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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