I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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