So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
