i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
