I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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