i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
