we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
