make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
