I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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