Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
