Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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