Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
