Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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