I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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