You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
