Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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