Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
