A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
