i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
