just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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