I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
