Nicole vs. Life
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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