He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
