u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
