If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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