Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
