Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
