He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
