the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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