My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i need some magic done to my vagina
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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