I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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