By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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