Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Less talking, more tequila
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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