fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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