we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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