And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
