Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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