i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
